he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
