I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
40s are totally the cure
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
