So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
