Duck Duck Cougar?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
