Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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