Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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