my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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