dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize