I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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