my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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