I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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