I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
