just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
