i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
