I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
