idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
