My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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