does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
