Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
