Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize