Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
