He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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