May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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