Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
