Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
