Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
