this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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