this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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