they're staring at me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....