Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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