You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
