my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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