Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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