i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
