i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
