pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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