no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
