oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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