Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
