Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh god it's open bar.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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