To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found a bag of teeth...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Two words: blizzard sex
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
