I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
