I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
