You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
two words...techno handjob
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
