oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
