ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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