she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
