On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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