if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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