but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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