I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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