Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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