new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
