Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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