I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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