just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
