I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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