Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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