So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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