toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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