I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
