I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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